i feel like a creep
To be very honest I hate the term "fine on the outside". How should I put it right that nobody could misunderstand my idea about this hate. Well, I hate being not sincere to myself, like I would hate myself if there're someday I said "I'm fine" but actually I was not okay at all. Why people do that like seriously? But then I'm not in their shoes anyway, and nobody need my judging.
The thing that bothers me is right I'm not okay or I won't be fine anytime soon. I thought I would have be fine. For my god'sake it's been 4 days already why?
The last time when this kind of case was happening to me, I felt like the world had been at its end haha. I cried, felt angst, was in vain. That case was worse than this, no it was the worst. Maybe at the older age, I can't handle the situation like I used to anymore. There's sth inside my heart, not that big for me to collapse, just sth small but it's killing me slowly, so slow that I can't be patient anymore.
This feeling is so similar. Even the world doesn't want you two to be together, and yes world means including you two themselves.This fucking feeling all over again! I fucking saw it coming but refused to look at it and hoped it wouldn't have come so fast!
My my...I, again, want something that I could never have. Buddha said it was a kind of suffering, and Buddha is always right. Wise man is wise, and I'm the fool. I saw it coming, and still chose it, this result is obvious, so why should I complain? But if I ever have a chance to choose again, I guess that I can't help but..., well you know the rest.
I lost the bet, I should stand small.
The thing that bothers me is right I'm not okay or I won't be fine anytime soon. I thought I would have be fine. For my god'sake it's been 4 days already why?
The last time when this kind of case was happening to me, I felt like the world had been at its end haha. I cried, felt angst, was in vain. That case was worse than this, no it was the worst. Maybe at the older age, I can't handle the situation like I used to anymore. There's sth inside my heart, not that big for me to collapse, just sth small but it's killing me slowly, so slow that I can't be patient anymore.
This feeling is so similar. Even the world doesn't want you two to be together, and yes world means including you two themselves.This fucking feeling all over again! I fucking saw it coming but refused to look at it and hoped it wouldn't have come so fast!
My my...I, again, want something that I could never have. Buddha said it was a kind of suffering, and Buddha is always right. Wise man is wise, and I'm the fool. I saw it coming, and still chose it, this result is obvious, so why should I complain? But if I ever have a chance to choose again, I guess that I can't help but..., well you know the rest.
I lost the bet, I should stand small.
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