me and my solitude

at this time of the day, recently, i always sense the loneliness

that i surf the net as always

read tweet

scrolling tumblr's dashboard

read fb's news feed

have no homework, fanfic to read

i should translate the fic which i left unfinished or go to bed and read some more book

to seize the day, to not waste any second gone by

instead of all those, i'm on the net, and suddenly feel so lonely

once, i felt the same

once, i was all alone in the net, waiting for sb who didn't show up

i was looking at google page since it was my homepage

and searching for something. anything

the 30-inch-lcd, with the information that seems to be unlimited, that once time i sensed how vast the internet is, how tiny i am and i was all alone

"for small creature as we the vastness is bearable only through love" you know

then i turned the music on, "are you lonesome tonight" by elvis presley

the moment he started to sing, i immediately wanted to burst into tear
he was like a long lost friend of mine

oh, i should go to bed instead of looking at the screen, feeling then making myself feel desperate

i know it well then why do i always do contrarily?

once, there was a novel that always had ability to make me sad

once, that novel represented, was a symbol of, sadness, my tristesse youth and of course, it was itself nothing more than sadness

i used to worship that novel, and it was my livre de chevet

once, i used to read it every night

and now, when i recall that time where i made myself drown in sorrow, i wonder where all the love, the empathy for Loneliness In the Net has gone

sometime, i feel like i am an alien, the only living alien on earth, so alone, unable to blend into the community and be a part of it

petite